Ohio State football: Gloom, despair, and agony

Ohio State football vs. TTUN is still the greatest rivalry in sports. Even now as TTUN continues to flounder, Buckeye fans still get up for the game.

When I was a young kid back in the ’70s, seven o’clock on Saturday night meant my dad turned on Hee Haw. I’d say it was your typical tv variety show from that era, but it was anything but typical. Hee Haw combined country music, cornpone humor, and pretty girls.

It was unlike anything you’ve ever seen. One recurring skit was a few of the guys who were a regular part of the cast would get together and sing a song lamenting how awful and horrible their lives were with the refrain, “Gloom, despair, and agony on me.” When you read a Michigan Wolverine football message board, you’ll see plenty of gloom, despair, agony, and a lot more.

When receiver Kaleb Brown committed to the Buckeyes the other day, I went to a Michigan message board to see the reaction. Brown was once thought to be heavily leaning towards joining Jimmy Harbaugh’s team. It was about what you’d expect. They were not happy.

There were the usual claims of Ohio State football paying its players. One claimed the Buckeyes were not only paying players but getting them internships as well. Yawn. We’ve heard this crap before and it’s boring.

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There was one who showed even a Michigan fan can be clever. It’s a baseless conspiracy theory, but at least it was a clever baseless conspiracy theory. This member of Wolverine nation said all teams are paying players, BUT…. the Ohio State football program has negotiated a better deal with the NCAA to turn a blind eye to the violations. It is a ridiculous claim, but at least some imagination was used.

Once you get past paying players and conspiracy theories, there is gloom, despair, and agony. One person was almost pleading to know how many quality quarterbacks and receivers does Ohio State need? You could almost feel the pain in his post. This person was in anguish. Another pointed out the Buckeyes are loaded at running back as well. Many are resigned to wondering if the Wolverines will ever catch the Buckeyes again.

Some try to be the voice of reason, encourage others to stop with the claims of paying players, and point out Ohio State is simply doing everything better than the Wolverines. They patiently ask why any top player would choose Michigan over Ohio State at this point. These reasonable fans are usually shouted down in a hurry.

Then we have The Defiant Ones. They declare Ryan Day is still an unproven head coach and is not a very good mentor of quarterbacks. The reasoning is J.T. Barrett has been not much more than a practice squad quarterback in the NFL and, so far, Dwayne Haskins has been a bust.

These Defiant Ones are adamant in their claims about Day. Well, the last I looked Day does not coach in the NFL. He coaches Ohio State and worked with Barrett for one season. In that one season, Barrett threw for more yards and had a higher completion percentage than any of his previous three seasons with the Buckeyes.

As for Haskins, all he did was complete 70% of his passes, throwing for over 4800 yards, and 50 touchdowns. But, The Defiant Ones will vehemently defend their claim, because they can’t stand to admit Harbaugh has been a complete failure at developing quarterbacks.

Ya know, if Michigan fans were not so completely insufferable in the ’90s, I might actually almost, kinda, sorta, maybe if I really thought about it and tapped into my compassionate side, muster up the tiniest shred of sympathy.

The fact is Michigan fans WERE insufferable in the ’90s and I’ve got a long memory. So, I think all of their suffering is HILARIOUS!! I mean reading their comments is just way too much fun! Caution me about gloating if you like, but I lost track of how many of them came up to me way back when and said with a smirk, “Hey, guess who is my favorite college football coach. Go ahead and guess!! It’s John Cooper!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!” Seeing all of their gloom, despair, and agony makes my college football fan heart happy.

By the way, if you’re thinking there could not have possibly been a tv show with a name like Hee Haw, click here and just watch the open. As you watch in disbelief, keep in mind the show ran for 26 seasons and 655 episodes. They just don’t make’em like this anymore.

The Ohio State football program is just better than Michigan. It’s as simple as that.