Ohio State football: Don’t fear the Reapers

Ohio State football fans have to be used to Michigan doing stupid things. Here’s the latest example.

Michigan’s edge rushers have named themselves the Reapers. I’m not kidding. Senior Taylor Upshaw came up with the moniker, “I’ll take credit for this one. It’s just to wreak havoc. That’s what I want us to do because I know the talent we have. We have a lot of talent in this room. Undeniable talent.”

I don’t even know how to respond to that statement, so I’ll let the Michigan Man do what Michigan Men do best…talk. “This defense is going to give us a chance to eat. I think it’s going to give us a chance to show our true ability. And when you see us on Saturdays, we’re going to be the reapers. We’re going to be wreaking havoc,” Upshaw told reporters.

I’m sorry, I simply can’t take this seriously. When I hear the name Reapers, all I can think of is the iconic “More Cowbell” sketch from Saturday Night Live. If you’re not familiar with the skit, here’s a quick refresher. Christopher Walken plays a record producer working with 70’s rock band Blue Oyster Cult on recording their future hit song Don’t Fear the Reaper. Walken implores “band member” Will Ferrell with, “I gotta have more cowbell.”

Now, how on earth am I supposed to be fearful of a Michigan position group with a self-appointed nickname like Reapers, when each time I hear it I’ll picture Ferrell gyrating around banging on a cowbell while wearing a too-small shirt and showing a muffin top? If his edge rushers are having a bad day in practice, is Jim Harbaugh going to wander into the middle of a drill and ask for more cowbell? Seriously, folks, this is just too much.

Michigan Men set themselves up for this kind of ridicule. We’ve had guaranteed wins over the Buckeyes by one of their running backs, and a former Heisman winner as well. Recruits have promised to end Ohio State’s dominance. One of their players nicknamed a season the Revenge Tour. Now this. If you polled Michigan players of their favorite musical group, I’m sure it would be 80’s synth-pop band Talk, Talk, because all Michigan Men seem to do is TALK.

The guys associated with That Team Up North make it so easy to poke fun at them, you almost want to send them a thank you note. My advice to Ohio State football fans is don’t fear the Reapers. Now, cue that cowbell.