Tebowing, Bradying, and NCAA Alternatives
By Adam
Tebowing hit full force this past year, as Tim Tebow, the quarterback for the Denver Broncos led an unexpected charge into the playoffs. The website, www.tebowing.com, defines the act as, “to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.” The creator of Tebowing, Jared Kleinstein, claims that the need to pay tribute to the Broncos’ fearless leader came after a miraculous comeback victory over the Miami Dolphins. Once the pictures hit the internet, there was no stopping this trend. Fans used it to continue paying tribute to their favorite religious and inspiring QB, and others used it to mock Tebow. However, there was no denying that Tebowing could not be stopped…at least not until the Patriots demolished the Broncos in the playoffs.
After this convincing victory, the stage again belonged to Tom Brady, so it was only a matter of time until fans were Bradying. And “Brady” they did. Unlike Tebowing, it’s hard to imagine anyone Bradying as a tribute to the Patriots’ quarterback, as this action is almost 100% mockery. After throwing an interception to Chase Blackburn of the New York Giants in the Super Bowl (pass intended for Rob Gronkowski), Brady pouted on the ground, as you see pictured here, thus beginning the Bradying trend. This will undoubtedly lead to more examples over the next year or so, until it dies out in favor of something else, but in the meantime, why not come up with a few NCAA examples of our own…
Anthony Davis – “Davis-ing” a.k.a “Browing”
The big fella currently plays on the #1 team in the country, has a wingspan of roughly Lexington to Louisville, and blocks anything and everything that comes near him, and yet when I watch UK play, I can’t make it past the fact that he also has one of the most undeniable unibrows in the world. This young man has 120 blocks so far this year, and averages 4.8 per game. To put that into perspective for you, Davis has more 51 blocks than the entire OSU team combined, and yet, the brow is all that registers when I think of Davis.
For Davising (or Browing if you prefer) to take action, people will simply need to color in the space between their existing/separate eyebrows. The following step, for those who want to take it to the next level, would be to proceed to your nearest work trash can and wait. When an unsuspecting coworker comes along to deposit their trash, you spring into action and swat it back in their face. It may not win you many office friends, but you’ll definitely feel much more like this 6’10” freshman phenom.
Deshaun Thomas – “Thomas-ing”
Thomasing is something that you’ll have to fully commit to in order to make it work. This is not an action to be done half-assed, but one that, if done correctly, could be huge. In the first half of a basketball game against M*chigan, Evan Smotrycz had the ball and was being guarded closely by Thomas. Smotrycz pivoted and swung his elbows, and Deshaun Thomas hit the ground like a sack of bricks. For the spectators watching the game, you’d have thought that Private Daniel Jackson had been perched in the rafters waiting for the perfect shot and had been given the green light. Thomas dropped hard and appeared to be in pain. However, as the video appeared to show, the elbows both cleared Thomas without making contact, and the young forward had just been nominated for “Flop of the Year.”
If you can’t see what you have to do, then let me lay it out for you. Thomasing involves calmly and politely walking very close to someone and then just as they change direction or look at you, you dive into action…literally. This can’t be any lunge or side-step, but requires a full-on flop. If you have any questions about how convincing you need to be, please also see Varejao-ing or Ginobling. If you’d really like to go the extra mile, you can walk like a 90 year old man in need of hip replacements before your flop and refer to yourself as the “X Factor.”
Bret Bielema – “Bieleming”
This one’s really fun since there are a number of different variables that you can throw in to complete the package. For instance, a lower-leg tattoo of an opposing school is a must, as ol’ Bert rocks an Iowa tattoo from his days playing football there. Donuts are a plus, and you’d better get started now to catch up to this big guy. However, the nuts and bolts of this action require a lot of facial contortions and shoulder movements (shown in the photo), so hit the gym now. In order to become an expert at Bieleming, your first step is to find someone in a similar position as yourself, whether that’s an accountant, coach, or janitor is irrelevant. Make sure that this person is much more successful than yourself and completely within your company’s rules and regulations in all that they do, as these are crucial factors as well.
Now is your time to shine. This peer of yours clearly has it coming, what with their successful and legal ways, so you need to crush them! Don’t just make comments and accusations about them, but go to your boss, your boss’s boss, and whoever else it takes, all while waving your arms around like an idiot, and do your best to bring them down. Granted, all of your actions while Bieleming will probably get you slapped back into place by your boss and cause you to lose any respect that you may have had in your company, but won’t you feel good? Welcome to Bieleming.
“SEC-ing”
This last item is something that the whole family can enjoy. SEC-ing is something that you can do at almost anytime or any place, and it’s guaranteed to frustrate those around you. In any instance of a debate, argument, or disagreement, select a very vague, broad category as your arguing point to defend.
For example, if you’re with friends and a debate begins about who the better NBA player is between Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, now is your chance to do some SEC-ing. Let those fools argue about the individual players while you inform them that the Lakers have the most wins of any team in the NBA. This comment seems to suggest that Kobe is better, based in his relation to the Lakers, but offers nothing of value.
If you ever find yourself arguing over the best team in college football over a given period of time, simply try SEC-ing by saying that the SEC has won the last 6 BCS National Championships. Does it answer the question? No way, but it certainly makes a statement. Whatever that may be.
Now that you’ve gotten the hang of it, what other options are out there for your favorite team(s)?
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